A wedding day is filled with joy, anticipation, and purpose. The groom stands at the altar, waiting for his bride. Guests are seated, hearts full of expectation. And then, there’s the best man…his role isn’t to take center stage but to support, serve, and celebrate the union.

In ministry, we’re not the groom, we’re the best man. Our calling isn’t to steal the spotlight but to point to the true Bridegroom, Jesus Christ. This was the heart of Pastor Rich Wilkerson Jr.'s opening message at Pastors Assembly 2025, based on John 3:22-30.

We don’t gather as pastors to compete. We gather to prepare the way, to support the mission, and to play our role with excellence. Because leadership isn’t about being the man—it’s about being the best man.

The Best Man vs. The Groom

If we’re honest, every leader has felt the pressure to be the main attraction. We measure success by attendance, influence, and status. We fall into the trap of I’m-the-man syndrome:

• “Follow me—I’ve got this!”
• “Watch me—I’m building something great!”
• “Look at what I’ve accomplished!”

But John the Baptist shows us a better way. He had his own following, his own platform. Yet when Jesus came onto the scene, he didn’t cling to his status; he let it go. That’s the posture of a true leader. We’re not here to build our own kingdoms, we’re here to prepare the way for His.

The Three Responsibilities of a Best Man in Ministry

In Jewish tradition, the best man, known as the shoshben (a Hebrew term meaning "friend of the bridegroom"), played a crucial role in weddings. He wasn’t just a witness to the ceremony. He had three key responsibilities: to communicate between the bride and groom, to send out invitations, and to protect the bride's purity until the wedding. 

As pastors, we are called to the same role in a spiritual sense, preparing the way for Jesus, the true Bridegroom, and ensuring His bride, the Church, is ready for Him.

1. Connecting the Bride and the Groom

The best man isn’t just a spectator, he facilitates communication between the bride and groom, making sure they stay connected.

As pastors, we do the same. Our role is to intercede for our congregations, stand in the gap, and preach the truth that draws people closer to Jesus. We are spiritual bridges, helping believers grow in intimacy with Christ.

Jesus is the ultimate mediator, our great high priest. He died on the cross to bring us into relationship with God. As His servants, our role is to continually point people toward Him.

2. The One Sending Invitations

A wedding without invitations? Impossible. The best man ensures everyone knows about the big day. Every Sunday, we plan a wedding and send an invitation for the bride of Christ to connect with the groom. To know Jesus, to follow Him, to step into the abundant life He offers. The details matter because they set the stage for transformation.

Excellence in ministry doesn’t happen by accident. It requires intentionality. From the parking lot to the pulpit, every moment shapes the invitation. At the end of the day, we’re the wedding planners, but Jesus is the Bridegroom. He’s the one who draws people to Himself.

"Let’s do what we can do and trust Him to do what we can’t. The power isn’t in our invitation—it’s in His Spirit."

3. Protecting the Bride

One of the best man’s most sacred responsibilities was guarding the bride. His job was to keep her safe and ensure only the groom had access to her.

As pastors, we are called to protect the Church from false teachings, unhealthy influences, and distractions that pull people away from Jesus. We are called to be shepherds, with a staff in one hand and a club in the other. Guiding the sheep, keeping out the wolves. This means preaching sound doctrine, leading with integrity, and creating a church culture prioritizing spiritual health over hype.

Our job is to open the door for Jesus and then step aside, rejoicing that He’s here. We’re not the Bridegroom—we’re just the doorkeepers.

When Doubt Creeps In

John the Baptist understood his role. He wasn’t the groom, but the best man, preparing the way for Jesus. Even as his influence faded and his disciples worried about losing followers, John responded with joy, knowing his purpose was to point people to the true Bridegroom.

"He must become greater; I must become less." (John 3:30)

His faithfulness wasn’t about building a platform but about fulfilling his calling. And yet, even John had a moment of doubt in prison, questioning if Jesus was truly the one. Jesus didn’t rebuke him, He pointed to the evidence of transformed lives.

As leaders, we, too, will face moments of uncertainty, wondering if our work is making a difference. But like John, our mission remains the same: to prepare the way, to lead with humility, and to find joy in seeing Jesus lifted high.

Are you willing to embrace the role of the best man? To serve without seeking the spotlight? To build something that points beyond yourself? True leadership isn’t about being known…it’s about making Him known.

Tune into the Friends + Family YouTube Channel to watch this message at 12:30PM

‍